ASDF Help Thread. [Serious]

[MTG09]

I'm starting to think you were raging at me to get posts. Because your posts don't provide a purpose either. HYPOCRITE!!!!!!

[klinscy]

As usual, Klinscy is confused...

[atomtengeralattjaro]

If someone says "I will eat your brains then shove a hammer up your ass" does that mean they love you? Oh god I'm breaking the serious tag rule.

i forgive you this once. I love your posts, you monster.

[Dreams]

I suppose that counts as needing help...
But yes. That means they love you in their own personal happy way.

[cyan]

I need help with something.
So there's this guy, and I dated him for like a month, and we broke up mainly because we thought it was better just to be friends. Another of my friends had a crush on me during that time and she said it really hurt her to see me with him. When we had broken up she wanted to date me but I didn't want to be in a relationship right after, and I never wanted to date her anyway. She kept saying he'd done awful things to me and messed me up, and he hadn't. Then she got mad at me because I wouldn't date her. We've been pretty close friends but she is the only one who I have ever fought with, and right now she won't even talk to me. The guy decided to kiss me randomly one day and I was okay with it (That doesn't make me a whore, does it? I'm not dating anyone else or anything). But my friend wasn't. She insists that he's a douchebag and that he was using me, and I know he wasn't--I can trust him a lot more than I can trust her. I was nice about it but I disagreed with her and she hasn't talked to me in two weeks. I miss her and I want to talk to her even though she just wants to control me. I can't leave her because 1) she's usually a cool person and 2) many friends have left her in the past. Now I see why, but I couldn't bear to hurt anyone like that.
What do?

[atomtengeralattjaro]

that sounds tough.
basically, she should understand that getting mad at someone for not dating you is a silly thing. But i know you're not asking us what she should do, but what you should..
i know friendships can go sideways when dating comes up, but i have no experience in such a thing. I guess you should try and point her towards how to be less controlling, but that may be an attitude she just can't let go of, or doesn't even want to. Some people are like that, I usually can't do anything about them. (But then again, I usually can't do anything about anyone, heh.) But if she is capable of calm and intelligent conversation with you, then you should most definitely give it a try and just tell her the things you value in your friendship and that you don't want to lose her as a friend, while at the same time, unambiguosly but discretely laying down that you do not want to date her, period. If these two things can reach her mind without one of them first clouding her judgement, it might work. Oh, but I of course have no idea. Just my two cents.

(I see relationship questions regularly on twocansandstring.com but i tend to ignore them by now, as most of my answers to them just boil down to "talk to her/him, dammit, talk to them honestly". Rediscover communication.)

Anyways, good luck.. if it doesn't work out, i guess you've (hopefully temporarily) lost a friend, and that's a sad, but proud and honest outcome. Heh i don't need to tell you this.

[Shai'tan]

First of all, no it definitely does not make you a whore.

I can only repeat what Atom said, talk to her and be honest about how you feel about things. If she still doesn't agree with you and doesn't want to talk to you, I think it's better to just leave her alone and find some new friends. It's tough, but sometimes people are hard to deal with and you shouldn't be causing yourself pain because someone else is impossible to deal with. I of course hope that you manage to talk it out in a civilized manner first. Best of luck

[cyan]

Thanks very much to both of you. It's odd that within 24 hours of posting this, the situation has already resolved itself, at least for the time being. The guy wasn't in German class today (along with our two other close friends) so the girl actually talked to me and it seems cool. If I need to talk to her, and eventually I probably will, I'll take your advice. I really appreciate it. c:

[atomtengeralattjaro]

your c-shaped smile is very reassuring. i'm glad!

[AmazinglyASDF]

I like c-shaped smiles.
Anyway, if it just doesn't work out, you have no reason to be friends anymore, do you?

I can't leave her because 1) she's usually a cool person

But now she isn't, is she?

2) many friends have left her in the past

Maybe that's why.

Now I see why, but I couldn't bear to hurt anyone like that.

Has she not hurt you?

[atomtengeralattjaro]

relax, she said they're okay now.

[AmazinglyASDF]

I am relaxed, I just want to help from a different approach, but

at least for the time being.

[cyan]

Thanks Amazing, I'll definitely keep this in mind.

[AmazinglyASDF]

Dying thread is in pain

[Dreams]

I'm sure threads don't feel pain. So...

[MTG09]

ow

[AmazinglyASDF]

I need some relationship advice (I know what you're thinking, lame and what a douche, he wasn't on for ages and just went back on for advice. Deal with it.)

So I've been good friends with a girl, let's call her asdf, for a few years. I've liked her for the past year, and just a few months ago I told her, but she wasn't interested. A few weeks after that she started giving me a lot of hugs, a little more than others. She talks to me if she gets the chance, too. Now, my question is: Should I tell her that I still like her, or should I wait?

Thanks so much, guys

[atomtengeralattjaro]

uh, it could be she just feels guilty for making you feel bad, OR she regrets turning you down, who knows. Be nice to her, maybe try to ask her on a casual drinksomethingtogether, no need to call it a date and see how it goes? Ugh, i'm really bad at these advices, but welcome back anyways.

[AmazinglyASDF]

I don't think it's that, because the random hugging started weeks after that.

[Anonymously Famous]

You could always ride it out, see if she brings it up or something. If not, you can tell her again after a time.