some self-centered reflections [serious]
Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2020 12:49 am
hi guys. it's been a loooong hot while hasn't it? how's 2020 treating everyone?
i just wanted to come back to document some of my thoughts at the moment - i've become so reflective and changed so much this past decade, grown so much that i wanted to leave behind a post for anyone who was wondering - what happened to that weird ass 11 year-old girl?
it's so odd to me that i used to go on the internet as a precocious 11 year old girl and just... tell everyone that i was an 11 year old girl, that i so freely contributed absolutely nothing substantial but yet persisted with my shouts into the void on this unknown corner of the internet. it makes me think about how lonely of a kid i was, how much trouble i had fitting in with my peers, how little real social skills i had at the time. but on the upside, that early experience of solitude has produced the current me today: a philosopher, a mathematician, a polyglot, a mediocre artist, and an aspiring changer-of-the-world.
i also just graduated college this past spring, in the midst of a pandemic, in the midst of a lockdown, in the very epicenter of that pandemic. i stopped going to classes entirely and it's an absurdity that my college let me graduate. the college-to-real-world transition was scarring enough, imagine having it forced upon you prematurely. terrifying.
during my time in college i became somewhat fluent in japanese and tried to do some really hard math. i spent a lot of time thinking about religion and spirituality, about high-brained philosophy that i really did not understand, about life and love. i met the strangest creatures on earth and found my home among them, then rejected them to be a 'cool kid'. i wish i'd just kept being myself. it's made me question who i am for the past year. which probably is what led me back to asdf.
yet i did not become who i am today (as opposed to the me of 'asdf'), did not accomplish what i have thus far, had i not believed that i could shape my own destiny. had i not taken risks. had i not thrown myself fully into society. so, i hope you are all living out your best dreams right now, and if not, i want to encourage you all that there is indeed hope and you have the power to fashion your life into something beautiful.
anyway, i mainly just wanted to let you guys know that i've grown up. but i'm horrifically terrified of adulthood. and i wonder every waking second what i can do to change the world now that i'm an adult who people might have to start taking seriously.
seeya space cowboys
i just wanted to come back to document some of my thoughts at the moment - i've become so reflective and changed so much this past decade, grown so much that i wanted to leave behind a post for anyone who was wondering - what happened to that weird ass 11 year-old girl?
it's so odd to me that i used to go on the internet as a precocious 11 year old girl and just... tell everyone that i was an 11 year old girl, that i so freely contributed absolutely nothing substantial but yet persisted with my shouts into the void on this unknown corner of the internet. it makes me think about how lonely of a kid i was, how much trouble i had fitting in with my peers, how little real social skills i had at the time. but on the upside, that early experience of solitude has produced the current me today: a philosopher, a mathematician, a polyglot, a mediocre artist, and an aspiring changer-of-the-world.
i also just graduated college this past spring, in the midst of a pandemic, in the midst of a lockdown, in the very epicenter of that pandemic. i stopped going to classes entirely and it's an absurdity that my college let me graduate. the college-to-real-world transition was scarring enough, imagine having it forced upon you prematurely. terrifying.
during my time in college i became somewhat fluent in japanese and tried to do some really hard math. i spent a lot of time thinking about religion and spirituality, about high-brained philosophy that i really did not understand, about life and love. i met the strangest creatures on earth and found my home among them, then rejected them to be a 'cool kid'. i wish i'd just kept being myself. it's made me question who i am for the past year. which probably is what led me back to asdf.
yet i did not become who i am today (as opposed to the me of 'asdf'), did not accomplish what i have thus far, had i not believed that i could shape my own destiny. had i not taken risks. had i not thrown myself fully into society. so, i hope you are all living out your best dreams right now, and if not, i want to encourage you all that there is indeed hope and you have the power to fashion your life into something beautiful.
anyway, i mainly just wanted to let you guys know that i've grown up. but i'm horrifically terrified of adulthood. and i wonder every waking second what i can do to change the world now that i'm an adult who people might have to start taking seriously.
seeya space cowboys
