Word art sort of

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Wed Apr 14, 2010 7:26 pm

asdfkumquat wrote:This thread isn't for people to criticize

I'm not criticizing. I'm helping you improve.

Post by **lunar_furor** » Thu Apr 15, 2010 5:20 am

DownSpaghetti wrote:I didn't like your poem, Squat, it wasn't even. Rhyming poems have to contain similar amounts of syllables in each line, and the accents have to fall in the right place.

This makes no sense. Rhyming poems don't have to do anything, it's just done more that they fall the same, look at mine, they don't all follow this. SONNETS and other poems that try to fit into a form like LIMERICKS have to follow rules, nothing else. I don't condemn criticism I support it, when it makes sense. It's like no one says but should. Every one is entitled to an opinion, but if not presented properly then their opinion isn't accepted.

EDIT: The accents land right, the syllables are the similar, the poem rocked, and stop hitting on my girlfriend!

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:06 pm

lunar_furor wrote:
DownSpaghetti wrote:I didn't like your poem, Squat, it wasn't even. Rhyming poems have to contain similar amounts of syllables in each line, and the accents have to fall in the right place.
This makes no sense. Rhyming poems don't have to do anything, it's just done more that they fall the same, look at mine, they don't all follow this. SONNETS and other poems that try to fit into a form like LIMERICKS have to follow rules, nothing else. I don't condemn criticism I support it, when it makes sense. It's like no one says but should. Every one is entitled to an opinion, but if not presented properly then their opinion isn't accepted.

EDIT: The accents land right, the syllables are the similar, the poem rocked, and stop hitting on my girlfriend!

Ok, I should have said "Good rhyming poems" because what you wrote Squat isn't wrong, it's just hard to read and if your poem glides smoothly over your tongue it's more funner to say. I wasn't criticizing your poem, even if it looked like I did.

DomTar275 · Post by **DomTar275** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:00 am

asdfkumquat wrote:Satan knocks at my front door
I'm wondering what he's looking for.
He reads my mind - "Why, can't you see?"
I guess the Devil's looking for me.
All for unforgiven sin
He fights me, and I let him win.
The guilt was just to much to bear
I wanted Hell, and now I'm there.

I really like this poem, you have a nice way of expression

Keep writing!

Post by **lunar_furor** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:19 am

DownSpaghetti wrote: Ok, I should have said "Good rhyming poems" because what you wrote Squat isn't wrong, it's just hard to read and if your poem glides smoothly over your tongue it's more funner to say. I wasn't criticizing your poem, even if it looked like I did.

No...

I am therefore I think therefore I am
When I play the music I know it's true
Where I play the scene becomes live
I am therefore I think therefore I am
The notes just happen I let them bloom
My hands make the horn jive
I am therefore I think therefore I am

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:29 pm

lunar_furor wrote:EDIT: The accents land right, the syllables are the similar, the poem rocked, and stop hitting on my girlfriend!

...who are you referring to??

Post by **keja** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:40 pm

Me, obviously...

Luv ya hunny bunny!

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:42 pm

Ah, keja...

wait you're a girl??

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:58 pm

I'm sorry guys you thought I was mean but I have to be honest and those great poets didn't become great when people lied and said their poems were perfect.

lunar_furor wrote: EDIT: The accents land right, the syllables are the similar, the poem rocked, and stop hitting on my girlfriend!

Well the poem is fine of you say it like this:

Satan knocks at my front door
I'm wond'ring what he's looking for.
He reads my mind - "Why, can't you see?"
I guess the Devil's looki' for me.
All for [big gap] unforgiven sin
[gap] He fights me, and I-let him win.
The guilt was just to much to bear
I wanted Hell, and now I'm there.

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:00 pm

I don't get it.

BiWei thinks you're cool

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:28 pm

asdfkumquat wrote:I don't get it.

BiWei thinks you're cool

Well you see poetry sounds better when put to a beat.

Ex. Which sounds better?

I went to the shops. I went to the shops.

Just say each sentence with an accent on the bold words.

And who's BiWei?

Post by **keja** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 5:34 pm

ooh, look at O'Shakespeare!

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:15 pm

I'm not Shakespeare. Just I'm good at English. And you're not. The Queen would be ashamed with you.

DomTar275 · Post by **DomTar275** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:58 pm

Asdfcumquat, I'd you don't mind, I'd like to wrtie a song around your poem. Maybe that will make it more clear that your poem has consistency. I found it easy to read and it's very good. Ill even post the video on YT, and ill give you an honorable mention, like I did for Atom when I sang the Pencil Song.

Whaddaya say?

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:41 pm

That sounds awesome!!! Thank you!

I didn't know it was that good...

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 8:37 pm

asdfkumquat wrote:That sounds awesome!!! Thank you! I didn't know it was that good...

Yes it is the true work of a master.

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 8:40 pm

You said you didn't like it before.

Oh and BiWei is my best friend ever!

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:10 pm

asdfkumquat wrote:You said you didn't like it before.

Oh and BiWei is my best friend ever!

Well I was being sarcastic. You don't honestly think that poem was brilliant, did you? It was good if you said it right, but even then.

cyan · Post by **cyan** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:15 pm

I think it was okay and I don't know how your version was supposed to sound, so I guess you couldn't tell what mine was supposed to sound like either. We're even now, I guess. Now you have to get even with BiWei.

DownSpaghetti · Post by **DownSpaghetti** » Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:26 pm

asdfkumquat wrote:I think it was okay and I don't know how your version was supposed to sound, so I guess you couldn't tell what mine was supposed to sound like either. We're even now, I guess. Now you have to get even with BiWei.

Ok listen to me. All great poems have to be even. Take this:

I looked into the magic box,
And I saw a very very huge piece of glass which was covered in loads of rust and had a picture of a fox.

This doesn't work. Your poem was a little bit uneven in the middle. Even poems are easy to make into a song but with a song like yours Dom will I'm pretty sure have to twiddle it around a little like I did.

It's a good poem though but if you don't say it the right way it sounds messy.

asdf forums

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