asdf forums

Rules
1. You can challenge any (active) forum user!
2. If they don't accept, they are a coward and will be forever DISGRACED
3. The challenger and defendant will exchange attacks and counterattacks (by posting here)
4. The winner (decided by anyone, at any time) will be granted a precious reward by Froggychum (that's me!) to use in future matches
5. The loser will suffer a terrible fate undergo a lighthearted punishment
6. The Grand Record-Keeper (that's also me!) will keep track of the highly prestigious leaderboards

Ammendments
7. No you cannot challenge me (Froggychum). I am the host of this tournament. I assure you I will win every fight (I literally make the rules).

I tire of your rule, froggy of chum! Your shitposts are too high quality, and I must take them for my own!
I challenge you and you so called “chumminess”

ARROGANCE! Thou dare oppose the Meme King??

Hmph... this is not going as planned, but I shall not disgrace my hoppity honor!

Prepare yourself, for I have mastered such a number of techniques to kill you with that the dimensions to describe them do not even exist yet!

However... it wouldn't be fair for me to not give you a handicap.... VERY WELL!

I will not evade or block your first three attacks! If you cannot take me down by then, you will have to withstand my Weakest Killer Move (™)

fufufufu let this be a lesson to what happens to all those who show avarice towards my glorious shitposts!

Be warned though... my mere presence is enough to eradicate stars! Good luck getting through my defenses, o impudent challenger!

Ah, and don't rely on my chumminess to show any mercy! We may be fellow ASDF members, but I won't take it easy on you!

Come, then :gestures arrogantly:

You thought I didn’t have a chance ‘cause I’m new around these parts? How distasteful. I don’t need your handicap, I will beat you only with the power of skill alone!
I activate robot stance! (my defense becomes as hard as steel, and I punch you with the power of a thousand steam engines!)
I might still be learning, but I know exactly how you will attack! After all, you can’t teach an old frog new tricks, and I’ve seen ALL of your tricks.
[Also are we allowed to talk about asdf fight arena?]

[Yes but only in asdf vegas]

my defense becomes as hard as steel

not even adamantine? YOU are underestimating ME!

power of a thousand steam engines

steam powered? that's so 1884

Needless to say, that attack is an imaginary number of centuries away from being more than a practical joke

I’ve seen ALL of your tricks.

I've only showcased 0.0001% of my infinite power!

I've been holding back my level of shitposts because I didn't want to cause you all brain damage... but I suppose... just this once... I CAN GO ALL OUT!

*does a single hand motion*

*your phone rings*

*its a message from your <dearly loved one>*

> PLEASE CONCEDE THHE FIGHT <your real name>, WE ARE BENIG KEPT UN A DARK BUILDING AND <other dearly loved one> IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK
> WYH WONTN YOU ANWSER OH GID THEY ARE GRTTINBG VIOOLENT WITH <other dearly loved one>
> please i need you to read this...
> just let froggychum win... these men have a glint in their eye that terrifies me
> OH GOD PLESAE NO
> THYE JSTU PLULE D OUTA GUN AND PONITED IT AT <other dearly loved one> S HEADD!1
> they say they are going to shoot if you don't see you concede in fifteen seconds after you see this...

This dreadful sight, however...

IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE OTHER NOTIFICATION ON YOUR PHONE!!!!

YouTube is filled with a picture of such soul-crushing horror that the scribes may very well call it a true depiction of Hell



Do ya like your new YouTube feed??

If you concede now, Naddarobo, I will revert your YouTube feed to its pre-cancerous state, and I may even let your loved ones go free!

Froggyposer wrote: ↑

Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:32 am

not even adamantine? YOU are underestimating ME!

steam powered? that's so 1884

1 I know, it must be humiliating for you
2 I’m bringing it back

Froggyposer wrote: ↑

Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:32 am

*does a single hand motion*

*your phone rings*

*its a message from your <dearly loved one>*

> PLEASE CONCEDE THHE FIGHT <your real name>, WE ARE BENIG KEPT UN A DARK BUILDING AND <other dearly loved one> IS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK
> WYH WONTN YOU ANWSER OH GID THEY ARE GRTTINBG VIOOLENT WITH <other dearly loved one>
> please i need you to read this...
> just let froggychum win... these men have a glint in their eye that terrifies me
> OH GOD PLESAE NO
> THYE JSTU PLULE D OUTA GUN AND PONITED IT AT <other dearly loved one> S HEADD!1
> they say they are going to shoot if you blah blah blah….

How to revert Clon-O-tron to factory settings:
Step one: remove left eye from eye socket
Step two: press and hold button for approximately 3 seconds until the tune from “funkytown” plays (please listen to the tune carefully, we paid a LOT of money to license that song)
Step three: remove right eye from eye socket to reveal usb port and upload 3D scan to model face and body physique
Step four: re-insert eyeballs
Step five: open up back chest compartment to provide voice sample and set personality
Step six: :turn on Clone-O-Tron and close back chest compartment
Step seven: Enjoy!
Yeah, I found this in your trash, you should really keep instruction manuels, they might be useful

Froggyposer wrote: ↑

Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:32 am

YouTube is filled with a picture of such soul-crushing horror that the scribes may very well call it a true depiction of Hell



Do ya like your new YouTube feed??

If you concede now, Naddarobo, I will revert your YouTube feed to its pre-cancerous state, and I may even let your loved ones go free!

If you consider the bomb I set inside your refrigerator, I’d say we’re about equal footing when it comes to this.
I shall offer a draw. I get my feed back, and your pastrami sandwich lives another day

How to revert Clon-O-tron to factory settings:
Step one: remove left eye from eye socket
Step two: press and hold button for approximately 3 seconds until the tune from “funkytown” plays (please listen to the tune carefully, we paid a LOT of money to license that song)
Step three: remove right eye from eye socket to reveal usb port and upload 3D scan to model face and body physique
Step four: re-insert eyeballs
Step five: open up back chest compartment to provide voice sample and set personality
Step six: :turn on Clone-O-Tron and close back chest compartment
Step seven: Enjoy!
Yeah, I found this in your trash, you should really keep instruction manuels, they might be useful

You replaced your loved ones with clones? That's pretty messed up bro...

If you consider the bomb I set inside your refrigerator, I’d say we’re about equal footing when it comes to this.
I shall offer a draw. I get my feed back, and your pastrami sandwich lives another day

I call your bluff. You don't even have an image of my refrigerator, yet I have solid proof of your YT Feed....

Worst case scenario and you're telling the truth? Pfft, do you think I value my honor less than pastrami? YOU WOUND ME, SIR!

Needless to clarify, I refuse your offer! I will pass the initiative back to you to make your next meager move! You have still not proven yourself to be anything more than far too weak for me to even deign to bother attacking you! MUAhAHA

Froggyposer wrote: ↑

Mon Jun 19, 2023 10:03 am

I call your bluff. You don't even have an image of my refrigerator, yet I have solid proof of your YT Feed....

Worst case scenario and you're telling the truth? Pfft, do you think I value my honor less than pastrami? YOU WOUND ME, SIR!

Needless to clarify, I refuse your offer! I will pass the initiative back to you to make your next meager move! You have still not proven yourself to be anything more than far too weak for me to even deign to bother attacking you! MUAhAHA

Very well, I gave you one last chance at life and you threw it away. Now not only will your pastrami sandwich feel my wrath, but you will too.
while you were busy changing my youtube feed and not eating that Really good pastrami sandwich, I was waiting for the orbital satellite to come into position. now that the perfect time has come, I shall fire the laser cannon down apon you, which will vaporise you in an instant.
oh and one more thing, I turned off your laser-proof armour and replaced your magic stone with a spray-painted clam
Any last words?

Perhaps your orbital laser could vaporize me... but not if it cant reach me!

You see, I have an instantaneous reactive defense along my body that distorts time infinitely. Even if your laser could cross the universe in the blink of an eye, it would spend eternity attempting to reach my froggy flesh!

Now... perhaps I should make an attack?

Let's start with something simple, easy, weak, light, harmless, and avoidable!

---

In that moment, the great Froggychum spoketh as he raised his two webbed hands into the air, the light shining upon his glorious rings forged from the crystallized souls of elder dragons, "אני מזמין אותך" and as he spoke these words that violated the very sanctity of reality and existence, the universe shuddered in terror and apprehension, the fundamentals of physics, logic and science drawing away from the space as if to flee from the rapidly approaching terror beyond the comprehension of either man or God!

Emerging from a crack in something that should have never been fractured, a part of something that cannot be described in any way appears. It reached towards Naddarobo, who will have already perished in body and soul if he has no defenses against the rupturing of the very dimensional canvas that he moves across (spacetime, the nature of consciousness, all forms of matter, all energies and forces, magic itself, mystic arts, the immortal soul, planes of existence, et cetera)

If he is somehow capable of surviving such an end to all phenomena, then he will soon find something far far far more terrifying has decided to terminate his existence.

Waiter: your cooked frog sir
Naddarobo: thank you very much, it looks amazing! Compliments to the chef!
Waiter: I will give him your compliments.
Dinner guest:Sorry for coming late, What’s the occasion?
Naddarobo: To celebrate when Froggychum didn’t read the second to last sentence of my last post and died horrifically in an orbital laser attack!
Dinner guest: Oh yes that’s right, I did hear of that, what was the second to last sentence of your last post again?
Naddarobo I believe it went something like this,

Naddarobo wrote: ↑

Tue Jun 20, 2023 5:38 pm

Oh and one more thing, I turned off your laser proof armor and replaced your magic stone with a spray painted clam

Dinner guest: Oh yeah, that’s right
Naddarobo: On top of that the very next post he tried to use his laser proof armor and tried to use magic!
Dinner guest: sounds like you outsmarted him pretty hard
Naddarobo no, not really, he just made an honest mistake.I kinda miss his shitposting though

How curious. Naddarobo has become lose in his delusions, imagining himself speaking to the cast of a restaurant.

This sort of thing is to be expected from one who witnesses the horrors beyond reality, without having the necessary state of mind to withstand it. lower consciousness beings have suffered much worse, so you're lucky.

As for the strange idea that has come into your head, let me clarify things for you, before I take mercy and revert you to your previous state of non-insanity.

Firstly, I used an automatic defense. Nowhere did I see it was 'armor'. rather, it was closer to an aura. furthermore, you could not have 'turned it off' because it was already in the 'off' state beforehand. you would have had to preemptively prevented it from activating.

Secondly, as for my magic stone, while I have many, none are on my person. Nor are they necessary for me to cast my magic. Also, in no way could my actions be described as magic - unless you know nothing about what I just performed. Rather, that was a form of forbidden invocation, a type of dark arts completely separate from the rules that govern magic.

You are wrong on all accounts. And since you made no attempt to defend, you are now dead.

Fortunately, I am greatly merciful. In the first place, you were not supposed to challenge the host of the tournament. It's just plain bad manners.
The rules will be amended in the future.

I DECLARE FROGGYCHUM THE VICTOR

For my precious reward, I shall grant myself a lifetime supply of pastrami sandwiches. To replace the one you destroyed.
As your punishment... well, I would say you've suffered enough. However, the rules are the rules.

Thus, after restoring your condition so that you may fight another day, for the remainder of your next match (whoever else you choose to fight with), you can only make attacks or defenses that start with the letter "F" and contain an "N". These are our initials, as a souvenir for the outcome of this battle.

If you have complaints, you know where to go

damn

i really like this idea.

I CHALLENGE FROGGY. YOUR RULES DO NOT BIND ME SIR, YOU Are cHALLENGED, BE WARNEd.

Froggychum wrote: ↑

Mon Jun 26, 2023 6:57 am

gh0st wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 23, 2023 7:02 am

i really like this idea.

Thanks! Me too
unfortunately most users seem to be too cowardly to do honorable battle

gh0st wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 23, 2023 7:02 am

I CHALLENGE FROGGY. YOUR RULES DO NOT BIND ME SIR, YOU Are cHALLENGED, BE WARNEd.

i will report you (not really)
follow the thread rules (this one is true tho)

i understanding yearning to witness my immaculate combat power, but im already the tournament leader and so it doesn't make sense to fight me
especially since I literally decide the rules and am not above being extremely partial to myself.
I will literally always win. this is not a democracy

also its more interesting to have more variety in matches, rather than everyone just fighting one person.

...

...

...

With that said, this thread is basically dead since people only seem to want to fight me for some reason (i guess i offended them, huh?)
so I have decided in order to preserve this thread, I will accept challenges in the future but with a caveat.

The caveat is I win by default. These will just be showcase matches. Depending on your performance, you may get scaling rewards.

If you dishonor me or yourself, you get a punishment tho...

\\\ /// \\\ /// \\\ /// \\\ /// \\\ /// \\\ ///

The tournament master stands opposite to a second brave (or perchance foolish) challenger!

He speaks in an unholy voice from beyond this earth, that sounds as though a thousand frogs are all croaking their last croaks.

"You can make the first THREE moves. I will only defend and not counterattack. If you force me to use even a modicum of effort, I will give you the reward straight away! However, upon failure, I will unleash a very light attack that you must dodge or block!"

THE GAMES BEGIN!