This World ~ Feedback
Moderator: keja
This World ~ Feedback
Ok, here all the feedback and comments for A Story (Ok, I don't have a good name for it yet) goes.
All feedback is appreciated! I know I have made mistakes, it would be great if you point them out
Seriously though, I won't bite or be mad if you tell me it's shit and I need to rewrite the entire thing, as long as you give a reason why...
Posted this because I really don't want to write a sh!t load just for it to turn out to be sh!t...
The story can be read here.
No spamming allowed in this thread! It is for feedback and comments only!
EDIT: Temporarily changed name to This World...
All feedback is appreciated! I know I have made mistakes, it would be great if you point them out
Seriously though, I won't bite or be mad if you tell me it's shit and I need to rewrite the entire thing, as long as you give a reason why...
Posted this because I really don't want to write a sh!t load just for it to turn out to be sh!t...
The story can be read here.
No spamming allowed in this thread! It is for feedback and comments only!
EDIT: Temporarily changed name to This World...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
I'm bad at reading stuff...
This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me...
This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
- ForrestKeys
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
One hour a day, one day a week.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Actually, noCX gamer wrote:One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols...
I have the feeling you're not too fond of reading stories, especially fantasy storiesCX gamer wrote:I'm bad at reading stuff...
This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
- ForrestKeys
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- Posts: 6904
- Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:02 pm
- Location: Forest made out of keys.
- Contact:
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
How are they going to spice up the food in just short time?Shai'tan wrote:Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
One hour a day, one day a week.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
What?ForrestKeys wrote:How are they going to spice up the food in just short time?Shai'tan wrote:Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.Shai'tan wrote:What?ForrestKeys wrote:How are they going to spice up the food in just short time?Shai'tan wrote:Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
One hour a day, one day a week.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...ForrestKeys wrote:Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.Shai'tan wrote:What?ForrestKeys wrote:How are they going to spice up the food in just short time?Shai'tan wrote:Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
- ForrestKeys
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Sorry, I just got lost in my own world.Shai'tan wrote:Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...ForrestKeys wrote:Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.Shai'tan wrote:What?ForrestKeys wrote:How are they going to spice up the food in just short time?Shai'tan wrote:Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
One hour a day, one day a week.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Ok...
I wish Lunar was here
I wish Lunar was here
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
It's not that easy to summon luanr...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.
But yes, great story so far Shai.
One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
But yes, great story so far Shai.
One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Thank you.keja wrote:Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.
But yes, great story so far Shai.
One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
Hmm... I think I meant a different word, but I can't remember which... I'll fix it...
EDIT: Turns out I misspelled wary...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Yea, I think I need to work on that, I actually haven't written anything more ATM... But I should get around to it soon... So much to do
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Take your time... No one likes a rushed story...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
And yet fans want a new story right away.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Fans don't want a bad story...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.