This World ~ Feedback
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atomtengeralattjaro
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Was thinking of writing a little today... Turns out I wrote a lot 
Go read and tell me what you think!
Go read and tell me what you think!
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
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Blargen
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
If one of the planets was a giant fan in orbit of the sun... Do you think it would cool it off? 
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atomtengeralattjaro
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Wooh! exciting!Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think!
little typos i've found:
People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this waswerewhere the
"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkestonceone..."
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Thank you, your feedback is appreciatedatomtengeralattjaro wrote:Wooh! exciting!Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think!
little typos i've found:People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this waswerewhere the"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkestonceone..."
Fix'd those typos, do tell me if you find more...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Good...
You're building up tension like a pro...
Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now...
You're building up tension like a pro...
Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Thank youCX gamer wrote:Good...
You're building up tension like a pro...
Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now...
I know what you mean... I need to see if I can fix that somehow...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
The return key works well for making paragraphs separate.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
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ForrestKeys
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Haha, it's not meant like that... I just called it that cause I didn't have a better title, suggestions are welcome of course...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
A fictional one...keja wrote:Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Okay...
It's up to my darn imagination to come up with the scenery...
It's up to my darn imagination to come up with the scenery...
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Pretty much 
I can try to explain how it all looks, but that would mean a lot more text for you to read...
I can try to explain how it all looks, but that would mean a lot more text for you to read...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
I prefer not to know too much of the story, it's much better to discover it on the go...
Quote of the TimePeriod:
[Full story]Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
I'm not gonna reveal any of the story before I write it, if that's what you mean... (I actually haven't thought of that much yet, just some things that I want to include)
I was more thinking of making it more detailed, including how the cities, landscape and people look for example...
I was more thinking of making it more detailed, including how the cities, landscape and people look for example...
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
That's always a good start, but don't write anything so good you'll feel annoyed it's not published. I used to get that a lot.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
I don't think that will happen
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
Still kinda need a name for this thing... I was thinking 'This World', but it seems kinda generic and vague... Any good ideas?
Quote of the Ages:
atomtengeralattjaro wrote:The Forums of ASDF turn, and Pages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Page that gave it birth comes again. On one Page, called the Six Hundred and Ninety Fifth Page by some, a Page yet to come, a Page long past, a post was made by atomtengeralattjaro. The post was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Forums of ASDF. But it was a beginning.
Re: A Story ~ Feedback
I like it, but it could do with an extra word. An adjective or something.
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
Of nothing in particular