Once obtaining these permission, you will be directed to arrive at an in-person pre-screening, within 3-8 months, at a subdepartment branch within 80 miles of your location. This appointment will last for ten minutes, and will consist of you filling in a pre-screening application (consists of your personal information, your medical history, and your criminal record) before submitting it to the secretary's dropbox. If you are late for this appointment, you will have to re-book.
Please allow between 4-10 months for the processing of your information. At this time, you will receive a delivery in the mail that will either approve or deny you access to the final screening process. If you move addresses during this time, you will likely have to begin this process anew.
Only about 10% of our customers are approved access to a final screening on their first attempt, so do not become distressed if you have to redo this procedure several more times; we can only book so many individuals at once.
Assuming you are approved for final screening, please standby for two to five business weeks, after which you will be delivered the details of your appointment as well as a confirmation sheet. You must fill in and return the confirmation sheet within two business days, or else you will be booted from the wait list and will have to wait two years before restarting this process. Please keep in mind it may take our employees between four to twelve business days to receive this submission.
If we receive your completed confirmation mail within five days of sending it to you, our employees will begin the process of notifying upper management that you have been approved to visit one of the branches of the refund subdepartment. This is the longest step of the process, so please be patient as it has an indefinite timeframe.
Each four years that you do not receive information for an appointment, you are allowed to compose and send a formal request for information on your submission's current position in the bureaucratic process. This request must be sent to the work addresses of the eight original signees that were contacted for your application to the pre-screening program. If all eight employees coordinate and sign off on this request within eight months, you can expect a response mail in then next twelve business weeks. This mail will either consist of your current submission's position in the queue, or it will consist of a notification that the information could not be found.
Once your request reaches upper management, they will have sole discretion to determine whether or not to pass it into motion.
If your request is passed into motion, you will receive a notification that you must show up in-person to the main branch nearest to the location of the office of the upper management that signed off on your request. You will only have two business days to arrive there, so it is recommended you book a flight, if the designated location is far from your current place of residence. It is vitally important that you show up for this appointment, because failure to do so for any reason other than medical emergency (as declared by a registered physician) could result in a lawsuit by our company, with no possibility for a counter-suit. This is in accordance to Section 13C of the Business Act of 1983. To avoid international incidents, we no longer offer the possibility of meeting with the refund department to customers outside of the citizenry of the nation within which our company's headquarters lies (currently the United States of America, since 2005).
Upon successfully arriving at the designated location of your refund appointment, you will be required to sign a waiver and an NDA before being allowed entry. This is to ensure that our company can pursue legal action (without any recompense on your part) in case of your visit resulting in any physical, psychological or financial injury on our behalf. Additionally, you must recognize that we are not legally responsible in any case for any damages you receive during the times of this meeting, or while on our legal property. The NDA binds you to silence in regards to the contents of our refund department, and any events that occur during the time of your meeting with us on the company's property, only excluding crimes against your person or personal property. Breaking this NDA will result in immediate legal action with a minimum sentence of thirty five years in state prison, and a maximum sentence of execution by lethal injection.
If you agree to all of these procedures, you will be allowed to enter the premises, during which you will have forty-five minutes to roam freely (except to exclusive rooms, such as administration and security) and view our public statement on the matter of refunds (other documents reside in this location regarding the bureaucratic history of our conversations on this matter, but are restricted to non-officials and to officials who are below senior manager-rank, or high-ranking federal government and national intelligence officials of our company's home nation).
(Below is a digital transcription of the policy document on refunds held by the Refund Subdepartment -Banksy)
Spoiler:
Now I have to do unpaid overtime to reorganize the whole damn rodent storage! Ugh...
